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Showing posts from January, 2018

I am not lying

When I first came out publicly about what happened to me, I was ostracized and re victimized by my Liberian community. That pain sometimes feels worse than what he did to me.

He started spreading a rumor that the reason I reported the assault and filed a restraining order was because I was mad he didn't take me out on valentines day.

And they believed him.

This is the part of the story where I begin to believe the lies that society tells me:
Society tells me  I did something stupid, I did something wrong.
Society tells me I chose to be around him. I agreed to enter into a relationship,
I texted him back, I joked around, I sent emoji s,

And because of that, because of emojis,   society tells me, I was asking for it, that what he did wasn't wrong.

What he did wasn't that bad.
Society tells me that I wasn't abused, because he didn't hit me. Society tells me that because it was a "relationship" rape cannot occur.

Society tells me that they need to see physic…

365

The end of 2016 and the beginning of 2017  was the  climax of the darkest part of my life. I was silent and  did not  admit to myself that these things were happening to me- I somehow had developed the notion that I  was shielded by abuse because of all my academic knowledge, career accolades and sheer bad ass progressiveness.   I was in denial of what was happening, I thought that I was not doing enough to please him  I had the best poker face and lived double lives to my friends and family members, never letting them in until it was “too late.”  I was insecure and had the notion that being paid attention to was being loved.  My entrepreneur spirit and desire for career success was manipulated and taken advantage of.

I was alone and he filled a void, and then used my insecurities to hurt me in the worst way possible. The support system I thought I had failed me miserably.


That's when I realized how alone I was.


Starting over

So this is a rant blog ( as they all are)

2017 has not treated me well. I had this weird idea that because I was turning 28 on the 28th, things would be golden *insert sparkles and glitter*

Ha. What a joke. Things have been worse than ever.

If you have been creeping on my Facebook, then you've probably seen the fiasco that is my personal life. While I would love to talk about it, I feel that it deserves a blog of it's own, so right now, I'm just going to give you the SparkNotes version.

I left a relationship in which I was abused in several ways (still dealing with court things so we aren't going to talk about it too much), I  got diagnosed with PTSD, and then quit everything: my job, my church,  my board member positions, my apartment, my car, my "friends" my family; basically anything that was toxic for me. I moved back to Minneapolis with an awesome friend and got a stress free brainless part time job to pay the bills. I dumped some abusive friends who w…